Tuesday, August 17, 2010
#Results - 10:34 PM
Are results all that Singapore, if not the world, cares about?
EOYS go screw yourself. As always. But you never listen do you?
Sometimes being positive doesn't feel right. Sometimes just to let
the people you love feel safe, contended and happy, you act as
though that actually is reality when you just don't feel that way
yourself. At all. Know that feeling? But for the sake of these people.
The result is worth it.
P.S: I think it's decided, I'm off to VJ.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
# - 10:21 PM
You know sometimes when your teachers scold you, parents nag at you, friends get angry with you? You just try to take it, accept it, twist into around, change it into something positive and get on with life to be a stronger person upon using what it throws at you?
Perhaps not everyone does it, but I do. This year, I've learnt to tell the truth, sort things straight, laugh more, love more, try to lead a better, happier life. I've learnt that proving people wrong, and getting back up more powerful than ever is the sweetest revenge.
I'm flawed, definitely. Heck I'm probably conceited, arrogant, judgemental, curt, sarcastic most of the time. Oh yeah and I'm vengeful and if you hurt me, watch your back because I won't let you go till your life is screwed up in one way or another, and even then I'll keep it that way. But at the very least. I'm trying? I'm trying to be an improved me. An improved Egan. And even when I'm doing that, obviously I'm still making mistakes. That's why I'm supposed to have my family to support me, to talk to me, to pay attention to me. I'm not the most caring and loving person, and you know that. And I know that. So why can't you accept me? Don't you dare compare me to others, especially not to my friends whom I love, because that'll just make me compete with and hate them eventually. In this sense, are you breeding hate? People out there may be getting much higher GPAs than mine, may know how to "concentrate and focus and do their work so much better than" me, may be getting this award, that scholarship, but me. Aren't I leading a much happier life than those people? Have they flown a kite, rolled down a hill, screamed at the sea, walked in a desert, had leeches suck their blood till they felt giddy, climbed a tree, sacrificed their time to serve others with all their heart so that they're lives would be a little better?? No? Yeah that's what I thought.
And after shoving me down, please don't act like everything is okay and be surprised when I only have blank stares and a disappointed face to offer you. There's nothing wrong with letting your face show what your heart feels. Otherwise, your 'face' would never be your face.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
# - 11:34 PM
Doing cards for the cat people now.
Everything from 4 years ago is coming to an end.
Let's not make it end.
But yeah Elaine, friendships are volatile, we never know do we.
Let's try not to make it end then.
I love all of you very much. Testimony tomorrow (:
Saturday, May 8, 2010
# - 4:39 PM
I don't know what's wrong with me. I felt like crap after NAPFA 5 stations. Attempted to stay up to do work but just couldn't. Woke up and felt even crappier. Entire body was aching. I mean, I couldn't even walk up the stairs without clutching the railing like someone on the verge of paralysis. By afternoon, I couldn't sit down or stand up properly and my legs could buckle under me when I walked. Not even up the stairs. Oh and I developed a fever. Still stayed back in school to watch our 4F netball team. Oh yeah before that, went to watch the volleyball semi-finals with Aeri, Mancini, Ben and Tzelin. Almost died laughing. My stomach felt like exploding. 4F is too epic for words. Reached home feeling like all my nerves were blended into nerve smoothie.
Slept for a bloody long 12 hours last night and feeling much better now.
BUT THE TIME COULD BE USED TO DO @#^$!%* HOMEWORK ARGHHHHHHH!!!
Oh well.
Off to Parkway to meet 4F (shit, I think I will really faint this time) to catch dinner before EDS night (: Jiayou EDS people, and I love you 4F!
PS: Gotta get my Mother's Day gift too. Have you got yours? :D
PSS: HAPPY BIRTHDAY GEN-CUZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 8D
Thursday, May 6, 2010
#Fragmented. - 11:33 PM
Some people just think that they're very funny. Sure, they are. But there IS a fine line between funny and oh-my-god-you're-so-irritating-shut-up-before-i-shove-my-fist-down-what-you-call-a-throat. Stick to funny. Okay?
It's near the end of the week now, and I still have overdue Chinese work. I always plan to stay up late to do stuff, but I always end up taking 'naps'. You see, these 'naps' aren't really naps because they tend to stretch for, i dunno, 6 hours or so? So yup, don't take naps. These naps are usually induced 2-5 minutes after my head touches a pillow. So yup, no touching pillows with heads. Got that.
So interclass just ended. Did we win or lose? Yeah, interclass just ended. Now I know who can play volleyball and who can't.
Schools been okay, having fun with 4F as usual.
My thoughts are so fragmented wth.
Supposed to go out to study at NLB tmr with the cat group, but mother doesn't allow me to go. I don't know why I don't feel resentment. Too used to it I guess.
Okay bye off to take a nap.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
#Something wrong. - 11:18 PM
When everybody's in and you're left out.
When you're not recognised for what is equivilant to your life's work.
When all the credit is unbiasedly lavished upon someone else.
When someone else deserves nothing but gets everything.
When you've lost the thing you were once passionate as hell about.
When you've lost the trust and respect of people.
When you've lost the trust and respect of yourself.
When you've lost everything you've won.
When you know you're just someone pretending to be involved and "in it".
When you have to be a role model to others, but you're not.
When you don't know what the hell they want from you.
When you want to snap and breakdown but you're not allowed to.
When you consciously know that you're losing it.
When you must live up to how others perceive you to be.
When you must act like you're all happy and the world is made of cotton candy.
When others gain from what you've lost.
When you're afraid to be who you really are.
When friends tire of what seem like complaints to them.
When you have to face people who tell you "I understand".
When you feel like telling them to "ST*U YOU BLOODY AS HELL DON'T".
When instead you have to tell people that "I'm fine, it's alright! Nothing what!? Hahahahaha!".
When you have to face insults from people who think that those insults will "motivate you".
When you just can't do it, but people insist that you can.
When people insist you must.
When you want to commit suicide just to see if people will care.
--------------------
You know there's something wrong with your life.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
# - 1:03 AM
It's 1:03am.
As Pearl says,
"To us, 1am is like just finish dinner and taking a break before starting on work".
Well.
My head is just about to implode with bio now.
Attempting the subject-combi choice survey just now and gave up not long after. I just don't know what to fill in for the last slot. Maths? Chem and bio together? English lit? It's gotta be something which I'm good at so I can score my As and get into bleeding law.
LAW
Seeing as how I'm having a hard time deciding. Does it mean I'm not good in anything?
YES.
Shut up g-ong. I will show you and your pathetic excuse of a face that I will do positively well this year and get my subject combi and that I am a success.
Oh I hate you so much.
Lit filming is over dammit, HALLELUJAH. Our video is going to own your butt.
Okay it's 1.11am.
